Building a Mentoring Relationship

Tips for Building a Mentoring Relationship

• Be There.
  When you show up every time for your mentee and 'struggle' to make things work out you send your mentee a big message that you care and that he/she is worth caring about.
  
  
• Be a friend, not an all knowing authority:
  Be the adult in your mentee's life that is just there for them, without having to fix them. Hanging out and conversing with them is surprisingly developmental for the youth. Young people learn more "conversing" with adults than they do "listening" to them. In the words of a mentee:

  "My parents lecture me all the time. why would I want my mentor to be the same way. I have the best mentor in the program, but sometimes he tries too hard to be a 'mentor', instead of just being himself. What I mean is that he thinks he always has to share some wisdom or advice, when sometimes I would rather just kick it and joke around."

  Of course, when your mentee comes to you for help or advice, it is appropriate to help them develop solutions. It's also okay to check in with them if you suspect that they are struggling with something. They just don't want non-stop advice. So, take the pressure off of yourself and just enjoy your mentee's company.
  
  
• Be a role model:
  The best that you can do is to lead by example. By becoming a mentor, you've already modeled the most important thing a human being can do: care about another. Here are some other ways you can be a positive role model for your mentee:
  • Keep your word: Call when you say you will. Send what you say you will. Be there when you say you will.
  • Return phone calls and e-mails promptly
  • Have a positive outlook.
  • If your program has group sessions, fully participate. "I don't know how this is going to work out, but let's give it a try".
  • If you enter a competitive activity with your mentee, keep it in perspective and by all means do not cheat (or even fudge a little) to help your mentee win, or get a better place in line at an event, etc.
  • Let your mentee see you going out of your way to help others.

• Help your mentee have a say in your activities:
  Some mentees will have a lot of suggestions about what you can do together, but most will need a little guidance on your part. If your mentee doesn't have any preferences, start by giving them a range of choices. "Here are some things we can do, which ones sound good to you?"
  
  
• Be ready to help out:
  When your mentee lets you know that he/she is struggling with an issue in their life you can combine the above tips to help them out:
  1. Be there for them. Let them know you want to help.
  2. Be a friend, not an all knowing authority: Don't fix their problem. Ask questions and help them figure out how to come up with answers.
  3. Role model problem solving (your mentor manual should have some tools for this). You can also be a role model by telling them how you overcame a similar problem in your life. Metaphor is a great teacher.
  4. Help your mentee have a say: Once he comes up with a solution, don't try to give him a better one. Make sure she has explored all the possibilities and support "her" solution.
  5. Be ready to help out by checking back and seeing how things worked out.

Source: Los Angeles Youth Mentoring Connection
www.youthmentoring.org